unknown destination

Why does it take hitting rock bottom to re-evaluate or reassess our current situation? I am forever trying to be positive and take a passive approach to life however the older I get the more I realise that it is actually okay to not be okay. Sometimes it is just a bad day, and other times I just need to call it what it is; a rough patch. It’s all too easy to take someones life at face value. What you see on their Instagram feed is probably only ten percent of reality but it is an easy mistake to take it as gospel and compare it to your own life, minus the holidays and bikini body snaps. I have come to realise hours of scrolling and following leaves me feeling empty and dissatisfied with my everyday life. Couple this with a few down days and instantly I am left wondering what the hell am I doing with my life? Where am I going?

In the last six weeks I have quit my dream job, immigrated and left my long-term boyfriend in South Africa. Safe to say it has been a bit of a whirlwind. To add to the mix I also started a new job. In all of this I have barely had time to think about my next step. The novelty of being back in Australia has begun to wear off as I settle back into everyday life. In all this chaos of starting again in Melbourne I am left feeling more uncertain of my life than ever. I feel an overwhelming pressure to jump back on the career bandwagon in fear of rises expenses and out of reach mortgages, but at the same time I would happily run away right now. Why does it always take a severe low to acknowledge that you need a change? Whether it be a personal change, a lifestyle change or even an outlook change. In the last few days I feel like I have been given a (harsh) reality check by someone who hardly knows me but felt it their duty to spend two very long hours telling me about myself, well in particular everything wrong with myself. An unpleasant experience which was the result of standing up for something I believe in. It was only during this one-sided conversation that I realised that even though I am only twenty-four which was so blatantly pointed out – I actually don’t have to put up with everything thrown my way. So with a weekend full of reflection I have decided to take this as a learning experience and a reminder to take my life and my future into my own hands. Even though I doubt myself and often my abilities, I have decided to use this to fuel my fire and to turn a very negative experience into something that will challenge me to make a change in my life. Maybe it was actually the push I needed to start something new.




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